Jason Fellman

Jason Fellman

Height: 6'11"
Year: 2010 weehaw
Number: 7
Position: Stud Muffin
Hometown: Spring Texas
Volleyball experience: Have
About me:i was born near a water buffalo on the antarctic
ice, just west of the mississippi....it was on that day that i realized
i would become the most amazing pickle farmer this world would ever
see...later that night i realized that was a terrible idea. i was
raised by wolves until the age of nine...when i was drafted into world
war II. i was on my submarine when those crazy japs fired a torpedo. i
felt it was my duty to save the people of america...so i jumped outa
that sub....and swam straight for that torpedo...it hit me...right in
the chest....leaving an indention later to be loved by all...after the
war....i was legend...they called me zelda. at my inauguration ceremony
into the super status...i met a man named benjamin who taught me how to
love....i thought he was gay...so i ran like a little school
girl...while i was running i came across a genie...with a magic
wand...i stole that magic wand and spit in his face...he
cried...endlessly...it was as if someone had stole his wand and spat in
his face...my mother was a man...whenever i hear the song...baby got
back...im reminded of the time when i saw that baby....with back. on my
13th birthday a rode a camel through the dessert...it was a strawberry
shortcake...one day while playing on the monkey bars, i realized that i
had not achieved my most important goal in life...to win the so you
think you can dance contest...it was on this day that i picked up
skateboarding and broke my cokix...when i got out of the hospital my
dad said "shwack!". i began writing poetry and soon after killed
elvis...by this time i was 13 and a half...almost full grown...and my
hair was golden brown with a beatifull silky smooth texture...this old
woman walked up to me one day and asked me if i would trim her
bush...completely offended i smacked her with my purse and ran away
crying...i tripped on a rock and an ant bit me...i put a jihad on
him...and if you dont believe me....ill put a jihad on you too...16
years into my life i celebrated my 16 birthday...bah ram you....i am
composed of iron, wheat, and liquorish...to be continued
and mooose sucks <= this has been confirmed later that evening my
dryer buzzed with the sounds of blood spilling into tea cups...the end
of the world was nearing and my day was soon to come... i reached for
my left front pocket third from the top...its where i kept the most
talked about news of the cafeteria lunch table one day, after i made
that joke about a girl masterbating with a hand grenade. my lazer...ya.
you know what im talking about...the one that could wipe out an entire
country of you know whos in less time than it takes brantley to poop,
wipe, and flush. i pulled down my pants, sliped on my cup, popped my
suspenders and whipped my cape. i looked badass. rushing out the door i
caught a glimpse of an episode of metalocalypse in the corner of my
left eye second from the bottom...right then at that very moment i made
of the most monumental desicions of my life. i decided to watch the
episode. with my air guitar skills now in full capacity i would be able
to use my secret weapon: the watermellon launcher. go time. i flew out
the door on my broom stick painted red with silver racing stripes. i
was totally hauling ass...blazing around a corner i nicked a dragonfly.
cheese and crackers! the bastard took out my right engine. i had to
bail. upon landing from the three foot ejection fall i dusted my knees
combed my hair and stood down: a trick i learned from an ant farm
smuggler...i gazed forward only to be trembled by the sight of the
largest army ever assembled...it must have been every one that ever
existed. my heart raced but jet lagged from the flight i quickly fell
asleep. my leg twitched once. after waking up and brushing my teeth i
put on my hat...the sun was shiny. so there it was... the army of
banjos now stood no more than three hundred and thirty two feet from
me. this was my chance... i called for the assult of the watermellon
launchers. the fruity sweetness was the perfect distraction. the
famished 6 strings chewed gaily with uplifted spirits, shooting
invisible
basketballs and holding there follow through. i pulled out
the lazer and clicked panning across the horizon. the head of every
last banjo left on earth was removed from its neck and body in a bloody
display of magical excellence. the world was now free... except for the
jiant with a J smelly mess..but thats why i of course kept my back up
secret lazer never before released in lunch table convo. the
swifter-quicker-picker-uper lazer. b-zap and the mess was gone...no
more
banjos. the war was over and i was the hero. thats the story of me. if
you dont believe me just read the good book. its all there

Favorite volleyball player: Wilt Chamberlain
Favorite practice activity:High knee skips
-------------------------
Food:(needed for survival)
Guitar Hero/Rock Band song: Danzig - Mother. But only when nailin' the notes next to the legend #6 Geoffrey Schiffli, Mvp 2006-2007
Music: Putumayo Presents: Asian Lounge